HEY YOU GUYS!

I honestly can't understand why we continue to be forced into the schooling system every morning. I am being woken up every weekday at seven to pack my lunch and get dressed and brush my teeth to go into the schooling facilities and watch The Goonies and chemistry movies. This is such a horrible way to waste a day, no, a whole WEEK of my life. For 7 hours every day, the Jr. class is made to sit here and waste away their lives instead of getting exercise or enjoying their lives. I honestly don't understand why the teachers need us here when my highest class consists of 4 people. But I haven't told the readers why this horrible thing came about yet.

You see, the seniors get out of school early because they're so wonderful in every way and are simply too god to stay in school with the rest of us. On top of that, the Jr. class had the option of going to New York for three days, and as I detest all big cities, especially New York, I, as well as the rest of the Juniors currently in school with me, are staying here in nearly empty classes.
So now, I'm sitting in a near empty classroom with the two idiots of the class behind me, watching some kids and their reactions to "two girls one cup" and I have to say that I am NOT a fan of waking up at 7 to go to school and blog with idiots next to me shouting about how funny something is or how many girls you could really have with that cup. Oh lord, I really wish that I was struck down by lightning as soon as possible so I can end this terrible cycle of waking up, watching movies for seven hours, and going back home.

Well, Here We Are (how dissapointing)

I'm sure you've all heard the song; Magaritaville. It's this Jimmy Buffet song where ho goes on about how drunk he is and all that jazz. If you haven't, simply direct yourself to the like above. Or below. Wherever the link I posted shows up. You can make it a game if you like, but one way or another, I need you to eventually come back to read this blog. But now we're moving back on the topic.

This magaritaville is a fantastic place, really. There are relationships formed over buckets, jello shots filling the fridge to make it look like it belonged in a rave, depressingly heart wrenching stories and frighteningly happy people telling them, but above it all, there are the pictures of your brother passed out on a chair downstairs with party hats and chips all over his face. Now, I'm going to focus on the depressing stories in order to include myself in this blog, because I know firsthand how great it is to suck people down to your own plane of existence, all the while feeling better and better about it. I don't know if the downers and I actually put Annie in the place we were looking for, but it certainly felt it. And let me tell you, it was an experience that I would not miss for...well, a lot of things. I'm not going to say that I wouldn't miss it for the world, since that would be an exaggeration and that would give you reader(s?) the idea that I tell fabrications when I blog about these things. But yes, I would rather not miss such an opportunity such as the one previously mentioned due to the feeling of greatness you get when you attempt to teach someone how much god really does hate you and your group of friends. Like, imagine there is a new race discovered that's been living underground. They have no war, no drugs or diseases. Think of an underground 1950s America without the communist threat. If they emerged one day and somehow found a way to speak to us, teaching them the ways of our would would be the funnest thing that I have ever done, and the reason of that is the reaction they're going to give. Most likely, they're going to tunnel back underground and never, ever come back up again, and I don't know why, but that would give me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that we now have not only more people hating us, but an entire new RACE that avoids us. Think of the possibilities! But that most likely didn't help with your understanding of the subject and all this typing was for naught. But don't worry, there's always a new blog for you to try and wrap your tiny little mind around.

"Look at Me Being Better Than You"

So yeah, as some of you may or may not know, I am taking some life guarding classes, and for these classes there was a preliminary test of swimming 500 yards. If you know me, you also know what a lazy sack of shit I am and that there would be more of a chance that a string going simply on currents alone to make that test. But I did, and I had a period of grace. I was telling myself how good I was and how impressive the feat was, but of course, there are other members of the class that didn't take it when I did. These characters breezed on through this thing like they've been swimming all winter. By the way, that may have been a flaw on MY planning, since all winter I've done nothing but masterbate and gain weight. So these people just swim like fishes and hop on out of the water, and at that point in time me and the other lifeguard trainees were doing little jumping exercises while they were doing their laps and after all the newcomers were done doing whatever they do, they just hopped out and started up with the jumping and tugging and swimming. See, when I was finished with the pre-test I was sitting by the pool's edge vomiting up chlorine and the urine of children from family swim, and these guys are just coming on up out of the water, spic and span, ready for anything. This was a real kick in the teeth in terms of realizing how out of shape I am, and so now I have to work out at the high school with David and his gay butt buddies or whatever scum inhabites that area of the gym. Which stands for naked in Greek. Soooo... just a fun fact. Avoid the gym in Greece. But yeah. Hide your daughters and wives, because Ethan's going to be a shiny, muscular god amongst men. After about 3 months of training. But I most likley won't go through with it, so maybe just throw the wives and daughters under a cloth or something.

Wyatt and Why His Big Head Ruins Everything

Allright, let me set the scene for you. It's roughly 9:30 at night and the lights are dimmed. The children are asleep and I'm just finishing up on my Chem homework when I find that I have hunger pangs that are sticking like duct tape. I recall smelling the lazy scent of ramen noodels freshly boiled that my younger brother had made earlier in the day and decide that he had made a good choice in cheap knock-off Asian noodels. I head to the snack drawer and scuffle through the bottom row, hoping to find some stray packages, but to no avail. I thought to myself, "Simple! there must be others, for there is but one drawer that I have checked whilst there are many others!" I resort to the drawer above the one first examined and, alas! a package of the delicious MSG bundles, five individually wrapped delacacies, all enclosed by a mystical contain-all plastic wrap. "But wait," I said to myself, "this package is unusually altered from its expected form..." and I reached sheppishly for the once-savior of my night, only to realize that my feindish brother had consumed all the treasures in the package! I was outraged! Infuriated! How could he have the nerve to not only fuel his big head with MY food, but to also leave the remains to taunt me!? Well, let me tell you, reader, that revenge shall one day be mine and the top-heavy Wyatt shall one day fall like an egg of a wall. DOOM ON HIM AND HIS ABNORMALLY SIZED HEAD!

Coroline: fan-tastic

Let me tell you, I am not an easily impressed individual. For example, there could be a fire and you could run in and save a baby, but I would merely scoff at your ignorance as the baby would only lead to more competition for food in 2012. You could get yourself a gold star in spelling, you could win a fight, you could even have a baby, but none of these things would greatly impress me like I was when Coroline was finished. Maybe it was the amazing 3-D effects. It also could've been the aborably insane Russian man that lived in the second story and was always obsessing over his jumping mice circus and his beets that he claimed made you strong. (In Soviet Russia, beet eats YOU!) However, I'm pretty sure that it was the magical world that Coroline brought the audience and I into. When her mother moves into a shabby apartment to persue a career of writing for a gardening magazine, Coroline is pushed aside by the nose-to-the-grindstone parents and, as a consequence, stumbels upon a door that leads to a better than perfect world in which her parents have nothing but love and compassion for Coroline. Sounds pretty run of the mill, right? But as you know, the world isn't what it seems and the "other mother" wants Coroline to install some unwanted attachments to her face, which is where it gets pretty fucking crazy, involving in a praying-mantis attack from her "other father" and the "other mother" entraping her in a gigantic spiderweb, but I don't want to ruin this movie for you. Let me just say that it may be one of the best movies that I've seen for awile and will probably be, in my opinion, the best movie to come out this year, and that is something. AND, just for the record, Tim Burton DID NOT direct it, I'm pretty sure that the same animating company did the work on it. But either way, just forget about companies and prices of movies for a little while and PLEASE enjoy the movie to it's full potential and don't go with a biased opinion, no matter how many jack skellington sweaters you see littering the outskirts of the theater. The only greivance I could give about this movie is that there will most likley be those same "non-conformists" in a few weeks, flocking to Hot Topic >:( for their very own Coroline shirts and all that shit, but I am enjoying a fantastic thing before all the hype kicks in and I'm washed away in a wave of rage that will drive me to burn down all the Hot Topics in the area, just for the releiving screams coming from the souls trapped in their pits or pools or urns or whatever Hot Topic keeps their soul collection in.

Dimitri Martin

I am a huge fan of this damitri matrtin character and he's always made me laugh in his stand up bits, but I also was a big fan of carlos mencia, and we all know what happened when he got his show. That's right, you know what I'm talking about. Even the most hardcore fans couldn't ignore the ear-gouging annoyance that became mind of mencia. I only hope that the same fate doesn't befall damitri martin when he makes his show, although he seems like a person that would be very difficult to mass produce in a tv show, but I suppose that they could try with all their might. Maybe he'll come up with a catch phrase of his own (like "dee-dee-dee" for example) and use it in his tv show so much that every time you turn on your television you are bombarded with references and wish that he would just shut up and die already so you can pee on his grave. And no, the previous sentence has no relation to Mencia and his stupid little "money-maker" word and I would wonder why you thought such a thing.

Halo 2 and Why It's Greatest

Many of you may have been in the large group that decided to jump on the Halo 3 bandwagon. Fuck you. More to come on this subject later... now it's time to sleep.

Anger and Why It Fuels Me

As ANYONE that has met me will tell you, I am a very angry person. I don't know why or how this happened. I simply wake up in the morning, look around my room, check what time it is, and once everything clicks in my mind, I just get very mad at everything that I can see, and this powers me through the day like a fist through a baby. My anger is the muscle of my being, and without it I would be powerless. I would have nothing if it weren't for my unlimited anger, and I'm pretty sure that even fewer people would want to hang out with me if I relinquished my anger to a lighter life. I don't think that even I would like me if I were to lead a happy life and settle down to lead a normal life. I'm pretty sure that my loathing of all things happy, sad, ugly, beautiful and generally all things living or dead is what keeps me alive and well.

w00t for Dr. King

Yes, it's true. I am a little racist. We're all a little racist. But that doesn't mean I don't know a good man when I hear about him all day once a year. Martin Luther King (he may be referred to as Dr, MLK, Martin, Marty or Dr. K in this because Martin Luthor King is rather difficult to type and I don't have the patience, so try and follow along) was a great guy. He said all this stuff about how we shouldn't judge on color of skin but color of personality or something or the sort. I totally agree with him, and that is why I usually hate everyone with equality. And, following his words, I have a special loathing for the Nazi-hicks that freak out and cry when their boy named Adolf Hitler doesn't get his name on a cake from a local grocer. These guys were freaks. The father had swastikas and Nazi symbol thingies all over his hands, and when the news camera scrolled up to his arm, it showed pictures of micky mouse and winny the poo. So you know that these people not only demand your hatred, but they also demand that society treat them like children. Here's my solution to these people. Treat them like children. Have them aborted. Buy them an inflatable raft, give them a placenta each and just ship them out. If anything, we should give them a rocket boost first, so if they make it back, they will either have some sort of epiphany or just have gone through so much they just wanted a faster way to die. But anyways, I seem to have blathered on a bit about my dislike for everything and not about the people I do like. Here's a general list: MLK, Jesus, Lion-O, pirates (all kinds), Mr. Dawson, Carla, Dr. Cox, Canadians (not Alaskans), Arthur Dent, Andrew Jackson, Bill Clinton, Chuck Norris, Luigi (you know the one), Mr. Colo, Mr. Triozzi and Odin- the patron saint of rearranging your face. If you feel left out, it only means that you've realized the obvious. There. You see what I did there? Get out your notebooks and pencils, kids, because that is how I even out a blog before it begins to sound a bit on the brighter side. Your life sucks and so does everyone else's, but that doesn't mean they give a crap. Have a wonderful existence.

Gym Volleyball

There is something fantastic about a rousing game of gym volleyball in B period. The expressions of the people who are good and watch listlessly as their team falls apart at the seams, the noodle arm flail attempts at the ball by tubby little children who couldn't throw a home run if their lives depended on it, the "I'm too good for gym" girls who dodge the volley and look at the person/wall behind them like it was their fault they didn't have extendo-arms, and who could forget the serves. They must be some of the most humiliating thing's I have seen in my lifetime since mandatory line dancing. The limp-wristed "thilly goothe" serve, the steroid shot, the spanker; it all leads to one outcome, and that's failure. No matter what team you're on and who else is with you, you have automatically been bumped and set by god himself for a nice big SPIKE of failure, a la god (even though that means he hit it three times, but he can do that cause he's a d-bag). Thanks to WHOEVER'S wonderful idea it was to make 3 years of gym and health manditory...well...everyone who goes to AHS has a good 80 minutes a day of pure,distilled, uncut, high-inducing failure. (have you never been on a failure high? I envy you then. It is simply a vortex of failure that seems to stop time, distort images, and give you the more-than-feint sensation of the release of your bowls. It can only be thrown out of wack when you 1. win 2. manly 3. fail so much the vortex collapses upon itself, thus making everyone around you fail on the same level as you at most, usually resulting in a 30% fail increase of everyone within the room or 6' radius if outside.) But anywho, losing my train of thought completely, I simply say that volleyball is the shining moment of every day in the hellhole that is everyday school. Now, all I need to do to make it perfect is land a spike right in the ex's face. Oh, wait, we have dodge ball all next week. This could hardly be a better opportunity. Now, I only need a way to confiscate the balls, fill them with lead, and gain the superpower to throw the equivalent of a bowling ball across a gym with accuracy within 6" of the target. Better hit the gym. And the smelting pot.

The Paper From Hell (to my teacher)

I am writing this paper on how i feel about Athol and pretty mutch everything that i know about the tiny-sized, pimple-on-the-butt-of-the-world town. Uhh, well, the biggest issue i think is the fact that we're losing jobs to big businesses. Its not directly related to MY family, however, because my dad sells his tools to the rest of the world and the lands where people can't speak proper English and sometimes add unnecessary words, such as "eh" or "mate".

Also, if you would check the schools percentage of ethnic you would see that it is 96% cracker, 1% brotha from anotha motha, 2% pinata people and 1% video game playing Asians. To me, that looks just a little bit off, don't you? I'm just saying that's not a good thing, but it's not like there's anything we could do about it. It's just a little unfair for the minorities.

Another thing i don't like about Athol is the temperature. Or not the temperature i should say, but pretty mutch the entire climate and everything. I mean, what's with it not snowing during Christmas, but come April it hails and snows like there's no tomorrow? And during the winter it goes up to 50 degrees at random and then drops back down to 12! I tell you, this town is just going crazy with the weather. You know what else?(I'm just saying these as i go along so don't expect any coherence)It never just stays one kind of temperature. It gets really hot and then it gets really cold, but it couldn't just stay a little hot then really hot or a little cold then really cold, it has to go ALL over the thermostat just because stupid Athol feels like it! And if it does go all over the thermostat, at least this crummy town could humor us and give us some snow or something! I mean, its fricken freezing most of the time, but the ONE time we get precipitation, the temperature suddenly rockets and we're getting rain! You know what else? There had to be about 5 times that stupid storm watcher idiot went, "Woaaa, woaaa, here comes a storm on Friday!" Then Thursday comes and he's like, "Ohhhhh, nooooooo, but hey, there might be another storm that just turns into rain the day before and crushes your hopes of a snow day!", and then he gives that evil smile that hypnotizes the viewers into believing that there's a chance hope that there might be some snow EVENTUALLY! but deep inside he knows that snow's never going to happen.

You know what's wrong with the school? Pot. I'm going to say that i could buy pot from at least two out of five people in the school, and about four out of five people smoke in this ratty little town just because they're isn't anything else to do! I don't mean cigarettes, either. Even the people who don't smoke seem like they do, because they've just adapted to all the nothing-ness around the town by looking off into space and pretending that there's something funny in everything someone says.

Other people in our school counter the boredom by being hyper 100% of the time and being amused with drawing on their hands or laughing whenever absolutely anything happens. Others just pretend like there's something to do, like everyday saying,"Hey, you wanna go to Mr. Mike's?" Then the usual response is,"NO! WE JUST WENT THERE THREE TIMES THIS WEEK! I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH!!!" Yeah, that's what you'd think someone would say, but of course said person's going to go, because there is simply nothing to do after school besides the boring and politically correct after school crap, so there's a choice between going home and staring at that dead bug on the windowsill and try to bring it back to life with the sheer power of your mind of waste your money at another pointless trip to a gas station and get fat off the mounds of energy drinks and doughnuts.

Another thing that just ticks me off is all the fat kids in Athol. It's not that they're fat that bothers me, it's that it's the town's fault. Yeah, you think that i get get the blame on Athol, but I'm like a modern day Hitler!(in the sense that i can convince people anything, not that i want to kill all the Jews, cause that's not how i roll.) You know why? There's no reason to walk because there's no where to walk to! I could understand that if you put the fun thing close to the center of the town, it wouldn't do mutch for the obesity problem, but you could at least put one IN THE TOWN! Instead people have to drive their cars to east bum-f**k just to get to anywhere at all! And the fact that the most fun thing in the entire town is a gas station filled with sugary lard cakes or whatever they sell in that pit stop.

I just had a block. I didn't know what to complain about, but then i realized that this is ATHOL and I'm ETHAN, how could Ethan not find something to complain about Athol?

Okay, what's with the skate park? How can it even be called a skate park? It's a ramp on concrete. That doesn't apply as a skate park to me, i don't know about you. Also, the stupid drop-out skater punks that ruined the park are some of the dumbest people in the world. I mean, what was going through their heads when the wrecked the skate park? "Man, i really need one of these rails in my room!", or maybe something like, "..." well, it's obviousley something stupid because, i mean, what kind of idiots rip up a skat park if their main past time is SKATEBOARDING!!???

The school. I don't really need to say more, but since im trying to at least get this paper to four pages, I'm going to explain every little detail about what's wrong with the school. One example; asbestos. The funny thing is, though, is that one guy starts ranting and raving about it left in his room, but the only place it was ever found was in his room. I guess god just hates him. Oh well, at least it's not me getting smote by the almighty smiter.?

Another thing wrong with the school, the teachers. This year, I've given 2 copied and pasted papers to the same teacher, and she hasn't noticed a thing. I know a person who's given the same paper to a teacher TWICE and she accepted it and I'm pretty sure she gave a different grade on each one. I don't really care about that, though. What REALLY ticks me off is that someone in my fricken English class is doing half of a page full of work and getting full credit from the teacher while i do about seven eighths of the page and she only gives me half credit! AND that same person sometimes doesn't even do her math homework, but the teacher just assumes that she does it and gives her the credit anyways! I'm not saying that the teachers aren't good at teaching. I'm saying that they just don't pay attention to what they're doing when thy're grading things! I understand that sometimes people just have those days that they just don't know what they're doing, but this is happening all the time! COME ON!

This was a paper for my school teacher about 2 years ago. Please, do NOT judge me on this work. I just thought it would be funny to copy and paste this sucker on here and see what happens. Not that anyone that doesn't already know me reads this blog anyways...

Zombies

In actuality, I know that the chance of a zombie attack doing anything to the US in the first place is pretty slim, not even considering the rare occurrences of an outbreak in this day in age, what with modern medicine and everything. It's just that I would love to see some people as zombies. Like, Cheney. He would make a hilarious zombie. I dunno if I should shoot him or put him in a cage and watch him grunt and groan and tell Dubbaya what to do. Actually, thinking about it, it wouldn't make much of a difference, except for his heart would no longer be beating. Well, you know what, just forget I said anything about him. But you know what I'm talking about. You see someone you really never hated, but knew they were better than you in many things slouching around and moaning for flesh, and it makes you feel better on the inside. Well, I don't know what floats your boat, but if I see the smartest kid in my school slumping around amongst the undead, I would say something like, "I guess he wasn't that smart after all" or,"How's that for brain food?" and chuckle to myself for awhile, up to the point that i realized that there was a city to save and return to my American duty of killing every single infected roaming these patriotic streets. But back to the topic that I had completely forgotten about, zombies taking over aren't very likely. However, you just watch out till that particle accelerator out in France starts screwing with your molecules. Then what're you going to do when the undead come knocking at your door? I'll tell you what you're going to do: die. No chance. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll find acceptance with a new group of friends soon, despite your eating habbits. And I'm sure the governmet will get on that problem as well, ruining the fun of the rest of us that have prepaired for Z-Day for years. But either way, all we can do is hope and pray that one day zombies can rise up and gain at least a small amount of power, just so the zombie slayers in all of us (or, in most cases, zombies) can rise up and shine to the occasion. And for the smart, lucky, or just plain old violent ones of us, that leads to an opportunity to put a bullet to every virus-infected, flesh-eating walking plague's brain that opposes the human race. CARBINES, MACHETES AND SHOTGUNS FTW!!!!

The Jewish Biologist

Now, I don't know about you, but I enjoy learning new things. It's fun and you say to yourself, "Hey, now I can brag to all my friends about how much crap they don't know about!" Well, let you tell you a little story about my biology teacher. He is a little Jewish man who has a rather jolly and joking temperament and hates all things that breathe his air in his classroom. Or, at least, he must, because he gives everyone who steps foot into the classroom a good life ruining and scrapes your soul away like one would scrape away at some Italian Ice that was just taken out of the freezer. Bit by bit and piece by piece, you are destroyed by his endless power points and onslaught of punchline-less jokes. His love for the endocrine system can only be matched by his love of talking of testosterone and estrogen, and even then he can hardly stand to go a week without reminding us about women's breast and hips enlarging and men growing muscle tissue and all the good things that go on during the magical years of puberty. Give me a break. It's about as wonderful as watching childbirth. And hey, if you enjoy that sort of thing, that's your deal. I don't know about you, but greenish-yellow parasites that emerge from a woman's loins is about as wonderful as watching roadkill earn it's name in slow motion. But back to the Jew. He and his words of encouragement can only be expected to be met by another 12 hours of homework and counting his children, drosophelia (fruit flies). By the time I had finished determining what sex all the flies were that he had slopped upon my petrie dish, I had realized that there was, in fact, no god. There was no way out of staring at these ugly fuckers twitch and lay eggs all over my dish for a good 45 minutes besides death or possibly converting to Judeism, and I have too much to live for in the case of option A, and for the latter, well, I just wouldn't be comfortable with that silly hat. Anywho, nothing against the Jewish race or anything, but your biologists give me nightmares and you need to really make your voices sound less annoying, especially if you will be talking and talking and talking and talking and talking about crap that no one was ever interested in (AKA bugs)

Today, the First Blog

This is my blog. I really hope that people enjoy it. It's about things that interest me, and will hopefully interest you, too. After all, it is a blog, and blogs are meant to be viewed by others. So, without me pratteling on like a school girl, I will write about what is interesting to me at the moment. That just so happens to be my ex. Now, as people that know me closley will tell you, I am a generally nice person, unless it's something really funny, like if i saw a man getting suffocated to death with a placenta. Now that would be hillarious. You know, I heard that rather than dieing of lack of oxygen, their brains explode from the vortex of irony going on so close to their thinking muscle. But anywho, my ex just off and hangs out with some other guy after a week. Now, I'm pretty much a happy-go-lucky guy, (on the inside. on the outside i bitch about the sun rising) but if a girl breaks up with you BY TEXT ON THE TRAIN HOME FROM BOSTON TO SPEND NEW YEARS WITH HER and she begs you for forgiveness, you figure she would feel pretty bad about it. But no. Not skanky McHo-bag. She is all bounced back in a week and back in the game. And I think that about wraps it up on my first blog. I hope you enjoy what you see and you come back for more, and there will be more where this came from, at least on a weekly basis.