Well, Here We Are (how dissapointing)

I'm sure you've all heard the song; Magaritaville. It's this Jimmy Buffet song where ho goes on about how drunk he is and all that jazz. If you haven't, simply direct yourself to the like above. Or below. Wherever the link I posted shows up. You can make it a game if you like, but one way or another, I need you to eventually come back to read this blog. But now we're moving back on the topic.

This magaritaville is a fantastic place, really. There are relationships formed over buckets, jello shots filling the fridge to make it look like it belonged in a rave, depressingly heart wrenching stories and frighteningly happy people telling them, but above it all, there are the pictures of your brother passed out on a chair downstairs with party hats and chips all over his face. Now, I'm going to focus on the depressing stories in order to include myself in this blog, because I know firsthand how great it is to suck people down to your own plane of existence, all the while feeling better and better about it. I don't know if the downers and I actually put Annie in the place we were looking for, but it certainly felt it. And let me tell you, it was an experience that I would not miss for...well, a lot of things. I'm not going to say that I wouldn't miss it for the world, since that would be an exaggeration and that would give you reader(s?) the idea that I tell fabrications when I blog about these things. But yes, I would rather not miss such an opportunity such as the one previously mentioned due to the feeling of greatness you get when you attempt to teach someone how much god really does hate you and your group of friends. Like, imagine there is a new race discovered that's been living underground. They have no war, no drugs or diseases. Think of an underground 1950s America without the communist threat. If they emerged one day and somehow found a way to speak to us, teaching them the ways of our would would be the funnest thing that I have ever done, and the reason of that is the reaction they're going to give. Most likely, they're going to tunnel back underground and never, ever come back up again, and I don't know why, but that would give me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that we now have not only more people hating us, but an entire new RACE that avoids us. Think of the possibilities! But that most likely didn't help with your understanding of the subject and all this typing was for naught. But don't worry, there's always a new blog for you to try and wrap your tiny little mind around.

"Look at Me Being Better Than You"

So yeah, as some of you may or may not know, I am taking some life guarding classes, and for these classes there was a preliminary test of swimming 500 yards. If you know me, you also know what a lazy sack of shit I am and that there would be more of a chance that a string going simply on currents alone to make that test. But I did, and I had a period of grace. I was telling myself how good I was and how impressive the feat was, but of course, there are other members of the class that didn't take it when I did. These characters breezed on through this thing like they've been swimming all winter. By the way, that may have been a flaw on MY planning, since all winter I've done nothing but masterbate and gain weight. So these people just swim like fishes and hop on out of the water, and at that point in time me and the other lifeguard trainees were doing little jumping exercises while they were doing their laps and after all the newcomers were done doing whatever they do, they just hopped out and started up with the jumping and tugging and swimming. See, when I was finished with the pre-test I was sitting by the pool's edge vomiting up chlorine and the urine of children from family swim, and these guys are just coming on up out of the water, spic and span, ready for anything. This was a real kick in the teeth in terms of realizing how out of shape I am, and so now I have to work out at the high school with David and his gay butt buddies or whatever scum inhabites that area of the gym. Which stands for naked in Greek. Soooo... just a fun fact. Avoid the gym in Greece. But yeah. Hide your daughters and wives, because Ethan's going to be a shiny, muscular god amongst men. After about 3 months of training. But I most likley won't go through with it, so maybe just throw the wives and daughters under a cloth or something.