"Look at Me Being Better Than You"

So yeah, as some of you may or may not know, I am taking some life guarding classes, and for these classes there was a preliminary test of swimming 500 yards. If you know me, you also know what a lazy sack of shit I am and that there would be more of a chance that a string going simply on currents alone to make that test. But I did, and I had a period of grace. I was telling myself how good I was and how impressive the feat was, but of course, there are other members of the class that didn't take it when I did. These characters breezed on through this thing like they've been swimming all winter. By the way, that may have been a flaw on MY planning, since all winter I've done nothing but masterbate and gain weight. So these people just swim like fishes and hop on out of the water, and at that point in time me and the other lifeguard trainees were doing little jumping exercises while they were doing their laps and after all the newcomers were done doing whatever they do, they just hopped out and started up with the jumping and tugging and swimming. See, when I was finished with the pre-test I was sitting by the pool's edge vomiting up chlorine and the urine of children from family swim, and these guys are just coming on up out of the water, spic and span, ready for anything. This was a real kick in the teeth in terms of realizing how out of shape I am, and so now I have to work out at the high school with David and his gay butt buddies or whatever scum inhabites that area of the gym. Which stands for naked in Greek. Soooo... just a fun fact. Avoid the gym in Greece. But yeah. Hide your daughters and wives, because Ethan's going to be a shiny, muscular god amongst men. After about 3 months of training. But I most likley won't go through with it, so maybe just throw the wives and daughters under a cloth or something.