Wyatt and Why His Big Head Ruins Everything

Allright, let me set the scene for you. It's roughly 9:30 at night and the lights are dimmed. The children are asleep and I'm just finishing up on my Chem homework when I find that I have hunger pangs that are sticking like duct tape. I recall smelling the lazy scent of ramen noodels freshly boiled that my younger brother had made earlier in the day and decide that he had made a good choice in cheap knock-off Asian noodels. I head to the snack drawer and scuffle through the bottom row, hoping to find some stray packages, but to no avail. I thought to myself, "Simple! there must be others, for there is but one drawer that I have checked whilst there are many others!" I resort to the drawer above the one first examined and, alas! a package of the delicious MSG bundles, five individually wrapped delacacies, all enclosed by a mystical contain-all plastic wrap. "But wait," I said to myself, "this package is unusually altered from its expected form..." and I reached sheppishly for the once-savior of my night, only to realize that my feindish brother had consumed all the treasures in the package! I was outraged! Infuriated! How could he have the nerve to not only fuel his big head with MY food, but to also leave the remains to taunt me!? Well, let me tell you, reader, that revenge shall one day be mine and the top-heavy Wyatt shall one day fall like an egg of a wall. DOOM ON HIM AND HIS ABNORMALLY SIZED HEAD!

Coroline: fan-tastic

Let me tell you, I am not an easily impressed individual. For example, there could be a fire and you could run in and save a baby, but I would merely scoff at your ignorance as the baby would only lead to more competition for food in 2012. You could get yourself a gold star in spelling, you could win a fight, you could even have a baby, but none of these things would greatly impress me like I was when Coroline was finished. Maybe it was the amazing 3-D effects. It also could've been the aborably insane Russian man that lived in the second story and was always obsessing over his jumping mice circus and his beets that he claimed made you strong. (In Soviet Russia, beet eats YOU!) However, I'm pretty sure that it was the magical world that Coroline brought the audience and I into. When her mother moves into a shabby apartment to persue a career of writing for a gardening magazine, Coroline is pushed aside by the nose-to-the-grindstone parents and, as a consequence, stumbels upon a door that leads to a better than perfect world in which her parents have nothing but love and compassion for Coroline. Sounds pretty run of the mill, right? But as you know, the world isn't what it seems and the "other mother" wants Coroline to install some unwanted attachments to her face, which is where it gets pretty fucking crazy, involving in a praying-mantis attack from her "other father" and the "other mother" entraping her in a gigantic spiderweb, but I don't want to ruin this movie for you. Let me just say that it may be one of the best movies that I've seen for awile and will probably be, in my opinion, the best movie to come out this year, and that is something. AND, just for the record, Tim Burton DID NOT direct it, I'm pretty sure that the same animating company did the work on it. But either way, just forget about companies and prices of movies for a little while and PLEASE enjoy the movie to it's full potential and don't go with a biased opinion, no matter how many jack skellington sweaters you see littering the outskirts of the theater. The only greivance I could give about this movie is that there will most likley be those same "non-conformists" in a few weeks, flocking to Hot Topic >:( for their very own Coroline shirts and all that shit, but I am enjoying a fantastic thing before all the hype kicks in and I'm washed away in a wave of rage that will drive me to burn down all the Hot Topics in the area, just for the releiving screams coming from the souls trapped in their pits or pools or urns or whatever Hot Topic keeps their soul collection in.

Dimitri Martin

I am a huge fan of this damitri matrtin character and he's always made me laugh in his stand up bits, but I also was a big fan of carlos mencia, and we all know what happened when he got his show. That's right, you know what I'm talking about. Even the most hardcore fans couldn't ignore the ear-gouging annoyance that became mind of mencia. I only hope that the same fate doesn't befall damitri martin when he makes his show, although he seems like a person that would be very difficult to mass produce in a tv show, but I suppose that they could try with all their might. Maybe he'll come up with a catch phrase of his own (like "dee-dee-dee" for example) and use it in his tv show so much that every time you turn on your television you are bombarded with references and wish that he would just shut up and die already so you can pee on his grave. And no, the previous sentence has no relation to Mencia and his stupid little "money-maker" word and I would wonder why you thought such a thing.

Halo 2 and Why It's Greatest

Many of you may have been in the large group that decided to jump on the Halo 3 bandwagon. Fuck you. More to come on this subject later... now it's time to sleep.